The Happiest (Crappiest) Place on Earth
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: One day, out of the blue (box), Rose decided that the Doctor's companions and friends (Rose, Donna, River, Martha, Mickey, Rory, Amy, Jack, Clara, and the Doctor) must ABSOLUTELY pack their bags and head off to California's Disneyland. Unfortunately, not everyone gets along. Chaos occurs, shippers battle, and slapstick comedy will ensue. (I own nothing.) CRACKFIC.


"All righty, here we are, 21st century Disneyland California!" the Doctor cheerfully declared.

"I can't believe it, we're actually here!" Rose cheered.

"Well, uh, you're telling me you've seen the stars and planets and suns and stuff and you're so excited to be in Disneyland?" Martha asked slowly.

"That was the longest sentence ever and YES!" Rose yelled.

"Okaaaay, then," Martha spoke slowly.

"OI! Someone help me with my luggage!" came Donna's furious voice from the TARDIS. She stumbled out, holding three suitcases at once, a dark pair of sunglasses, a sunhat, and a fake lei.

"I can't believe you actually travel with that THING," Jack deadpanned as he stumbled out of the TARDIS. "She kept on nagging me the whole time here!"

"OI! Shut it, walking dead," Donna hissed.

"He still creeps me out with that whole never-dying thing," River dryly commented.

"Are you all just gonna stand there and argue or shall we get a move on?" the Doctor interrupted, calmly watching as Donna tackled Jack to the ground and started attempting to punch his face.

"HELP MEEEE!" Jack screamed, dodging a blow.

"They fight like a married couple," Rory commented with a laugh, before he stopped, looked at Amy, and then looked back at Jack and Donna.

"They aren't married, are they?" Rory asked after a moment of silence.

"Thank God they aren't," Mickey mumbled.

"I know, right? We had like the WORST revelation that we got married. Ever," Martha commented. "It was just like, oh, the Doctor is checking up on us, and all of a sudden, BAM, we reveal we're married."

"I liked the bit where Amy found out that River and the Doctor were married!" the author yelled. "It was so funny. And that scene where Amy told River she couldn't tell if she was a man or not- HA! I wanna frame that and send emails out to people I hate."

"OI! Shut it, author! Go get a life!" Donna yelled, standing up and dusting herself off.

"Something isn't right," the Doctor analyzed. "Oh, could it be? Transformation of living particles of sentient beings into a crack fiction? Or is it- OW!" The Doctor paused to rub his arm. "What was that for?!"

"You're MARRIED?!" Rose thundered. "To MISS FRIZZLE face?"

"It was an accident!" the Doctor explained quickly. "She- OW!" the Doctor paused again to rub his cheek. "Why don't you two fight it out? Aren't you mad she called you Miss Frizzl- OW!"

"Don't call me that again or else you'll be trying to put your head back on your neck and get your feet off your face," River threatened.

"That was the longest threat ever," Rose said in awe. "Buddy, you are good!" she froze. "Wait... umm... never mind. Dude, what's this about? Didn't River try to kill you?"

"You guys are so weird," Clara commented.

"Shut up and go talk to the TARDIS!" Donna exclaimed, popping a piece of popcorn into her mouth. "I haven't seen a fight this entertaining since the Stone Ages.

"Was that the DoctorDonna talking again?" Mickey inquired.

"No, it was just my invisible pet frog," Donna snapped. "Who d' ya think it is, DUMBO?"

"Ouch," Mickey mimed. "I'm wounded."

"OI!" Donna yelled, preventing Mickey from hugging Martha. "I'm watching the Doctor fight off two women at once! No fluff!"

"This isn't fun," Jack said, kicking a pebble on the ground. "Are there any handsome or beautiful people out there?" he perked his head up, just in case. "Oh, never mind. Although I doubt the fandom would approve."

"Remember what happened last time we disturbed the fandom?" Martha asked, changing the subject smartly.

"Yeah," Jack sulked. "We ended up in that loony town called 'Storybook' or something like that, got chased around by Rumplestiltskin, where the Rumbelle fandom killed me fourteen times for calling their relationship gross and out of proportions."

"Storybrooke," Mickey corrected. "And it was gross and out of proportions."

"What's even grosser is that the Doctor married our kid," Amy and Rory piped up. "Does anyone else find that a little... uh, I dunno, AWKWARD?"

"Stop talking about it!" Rose whined.

"Shut it, whiny-ex," River snarled.

"WAAAAAH!" Rose sobbed.

"I see a love triangle happening!" Donna squealed. "So exciting. This needs to be documented."

"Are we gonna go on any rides or are we gonna just sit here like useless little waffles?" Clara asked impatiently.

"No, we're gonna go on rides, and what's wrong with waffles?" the Doctor asked. "I mean, what did they ever do to you?"

"I dunno," Clara said with a shrug. "I was gonna say 'soufflé', but I'm the Souffle Queen and therefore I would upset my subjects."

"There she goes, ranting again!" the TARDIS whined. "See why I don't like her?"

"Did the TARDIS just speak?" Rose asked suddenly, jumping up.

"Nope," the Doctor said. "I mean, wouldn't I hear it?"

"Because you're soooo smart," Rose deadpanned.

"Right!"

SMACK!

"I guess I deserved that one," the Doctor said, rubbing his cheek. "Anyway, off we go!"

"Which rides are we gonna go on?" Amy asked cheerfully, helping Rory up.

"Well, I was thinking we could go to Fantasyland first. They do have some excellent rides over there, although I was thinking Tomorrowland has some excellent rides. Romy, did you know they have a ride called 'Space Mountain'? I don't know what it means, is it a mountain made out of space? Fascinating! Oops, meant Rory. Sorry, for a second there, I was thinking about Roma tomatoes. Any clue why? Oi, maybe because... oh, yes, Romans! Rory the Roman! Ha! Oh, that makes sense. Aren't I clever? Romy the Roran- I mean, Rory the-"

SMACK!

"OI!" the Doctor declared, glaring at Donna. "What was that for?"

"Shut it, spaceman!" Donna shouted.

"Stop shouting, you'll damage your vocal chords," the Doctor warned.

"She can't ever damage her vocal chords," Jack dryly commented. "It's as if they're immortal."

"SHUT IT!"

"Shutting it," Jack said, making a seal-my-lips gesture.

"Shh," the Doctor suddenly said.

"What?" Clara asked. "What's wrong?"

"Shh," the Doctor repeated.

"Aren't you gonna tell us what's going on?" Amy asked curiously.

"SHHH!"

"I don't get it, you normally give a reason," Mickey commented.

"Maybe he's just upset about something?" Martha suggested.

"Shh!"

"Oh, he wants us to guess, maybe!" Jack suggested. "Okay, so... are you hungry? Tired? Depressed? Cold? Sleepy? Wait, sleepy is the same thing as tired. Are you hot? Cold? I asked that twice, didn't I- OW!"

"Shut it, he wants us to be quiet, obviously!" Donna yelled.

"SHH!"

"What is it?" Rose asked gently.

"Be quiet!" the Doctor said.

"Why?" River said, pushing Rose out of the way and into a nearby lake. "You can tell me anything, sweetie."

"I'm hearing something," the Doctor said, not noticing that Rose had vanished.

"What you're hearing is Donna's voice," Jack said dismissively.

"No, it's something more sinister," the Doctor said warily.

"Are you sure you aren't seeing them?" Rose asked, wringing out her hair.

"I don't know," the Doctor admitted. "Why, are you seeing anything sinister?"

"I'm seeing River's face," Rose commented dryly. "But I don't think you have her on mind."

Pause.

"Well, I HOPE you don't have her on mind," Rose commented.

"I need to check the area for extraterrestrial signals," the Doctor said quickly. "Although sometimes I wonder why this sonic screwdriver doesn't count myself as an alien, but whatever."

"Oi, Spaceman! Calm down, aren't we here to have fun?" Donna exploded.

"I can't have any fun while you're around," Jack quipped.

"Pipe down, zombie face!" Donna yelled.

"Is that a compliment?" Jack asked hopefully.

"The only compliment you're gonna be getting from me is a complimentary punch in the face!" Donna shouted.

"Are you sure there isn't something sinister in the area?" River asked curiously. "Like near us?"

"What do you mean?" the Doctor asked earnestly.

"Well, I mean like Rose's shoes, I mean, have you seen those things?" River said with a smirk.

"GASP!" Rose gasped.

"River, I don't think Rose's shoes are laughing like a cartoon character from a kid's show," the Doctor said absently.

"Oh, are you talking about Mickey Mouse?" Martha asked curiously.

"I don't think your husband appreciates you talking about him like that," the Doctor commented.

"No, I mean Mickey Mouse. You know, the one right there?" Martha pointed at a man-sized mouse nearby. The Doctor scratched his head.

"Blimey!" he exclaimed. "Is that a giant rat in clothing? My god, it must be an alien! Of course, that's- OW!"

"Shut it, you idiot!" Donna hissed. "That's a person in a zip-up costume."

The Doctor scratched his head. "You mean he's a Slitheen?"

"No! I mean he's a PERSON in a COSTUME!" Donna yelled into the Doctor's ear.

"Ow! I may never hear again," the Doctor said, rubbing his ear.

"Quiet it, prissy," Donna groaned.

"Can we just go and get on some rides, please?" Martha asked, exasperated.

"Fine," the Doctor groaned. "The first ride will be..."

* * *

_**I know the Doctor doesn't want me to say the ride because he cut off the chapter there, but I'm a rebel so HA. The first ride they go on will be SPACE MOUNTAIN which is AWESOME SAUCE.**_

_**This isn't gonna be a long story, it might only be a couple of chapters long. It's just something to keep me entertained on the plane and during the cruise because there isn't any wifi around, so I can't continue for Once Upon A Time In Disneyland, which is my favorite story ever. Since I'm moving into WDW and have no clue about how the rides and attractions go, I use Youtube which I will not have on a boat in the middle of Alaska. Sorry. I would've written to you all, but I didn't have time. I had this pre-written, but I felt like posting it now, so here I am.**_

_**The characters in this story will be Rose, River, Donna, Martha, Mickey, Rory, Amy, Jack, Clara, and the Doctor. I'm a Rose/Doctor shipper so there'll be more fluff for them, but it's a competition between the two since it's fun to write.**_

_**THERE IS NO SPECIFIC DOCTOR FOR THIS FIC. Making myself absolutely clear. I believe literature is half book, half-imagination, so the Doctor can be the 9th, 10th, 11th, whatever you please. I'm basing him off of Tennant's performance with a bit of Eccleston's thrown in, but you can picture whoever you want.**_

_**Anywho, I'll delve a little more into the juicy stuff later, but for now, ships will be canon. This is gonna be sort of like a spin-off of OUAT in Disneyland because the plot and characters will be completely different, so will the jokes and catchphrases, but it'll still consist of the same rides and themes. It's sort of a rewrite, just in a different category, because I'm like the Doctor in the sense that I'm always jumping around.**_

_**I don't know if updates will be daily as of now, but this doesn't change anything for the followers of OUATID. Updates for that will still remain daily throughout it's entirety. Not even sure if I'll ever complete it because I don't know what I'd be without that fanfiction. Nonetheless, I promise I'll try to make this as funny as possible. No more 'It's dark in here', all-new stuff for you Whovians, so alons-y!**_

_**R&R!**_


End file.
